A day in the life!

For those of you reading this, please keep in mind that this blog is actually written for myself, I'll try to keep it as real as possible, complete with sarcasm and ignorance, whatever I'm feeling will be here, so it may offend, it may uplift, but it will do what I need it to for me.. be therapeutic. I've decided that I need to get my feelings out, because with the very small amount of time that I have alone with my husband since we've been living with mom and dad, it's usually spent talking about Gavin, or the house, or Josh's job... so there's not much time for sound-boarding off anyone for me... something that combined with the current pregnancy hormones makes me very volatile and likely to meltdown at random times, increasingly more often as of late.

Life is crazy lately... living with mom and dad has been such a blessing for us while we were homeless, but having the house now and working on it as much as possible is making us really anxious for our own time and our own place again. I'll be glad to be able to get into a routine again with Gavin and maybe achieve some normalcy before the baby's born is March.. hopefully.

I've been one that questions God a lot in my life, and when I stop to pay attention he always reveals why it is that he operates the way he does... take the house thing.... it's taken us 5 months to purchase the house... and I've been very frustrated as we would get so close to closing, and then we'd find out some other detail that would postpone it, or jeopardize the sale at all... turns out, we were needed this long at mom and dad's because mom's going to have surgery on her thumb for the second time tomorrow... this time she'll be without use of her entire right hand for at least 3 weeks before the "club" cast comes off. Then it will be an undetermined amount of time before she is fully able to use the thumb again. Thus, God had a plan for the best of all of us...

Life's brought a lot of stress latley... turns out the windows and the roof will need to be replaced on the house.... there's just no way we have the money for that now... so I've been freaking out a bit...

What's the deal with being 2? Gavin's decided that no matter what we try for discipline, or for reward, he will look at you, say "no" and do whatever you've asked or told him not to while LOOKING STRAIGHT AT YOU... I have to say that I try to be a patient mother, but I've seriously had to refrain from lashing out lately. In the same 10 minutes he can resort back to being the most loving, caring, cuddly toddler ever... which makes me feel horrible for any punishment he does endure because these moments remind me what a good kid he really is, and that it's just the "terrible twos" showing themselves, just can't deal with it...
What doesn't help any is watching John & Kate plus 8... Kate is amazing.. time out mats work for her kids, all she has to do is tell them to go and they go sit on them.... no yelling, no arguing, no crying fits that last for 20 minutes... what am I doing wrong with my one child that Kate is able to get right with all 8 of hers at once... ? While I try not to compare myself to other mothers, or my child to other children, probability will state that out of all 8 of her kids, at least one has a personality similar to Gavin's, so while they are sweet and innocent for 95% of the time, there has to be that 5% when they are just defiant and irrational. I'd like to see an episode of that.. just one.

We're 19 weeks 4 days preggo today... which seems a bit surreal. Having a toddler to chase after and all the other stuff going on, it's not very often that I get time to even stop and think about the baby... I'm just starting to feel the baby kick on a consistent basis, which is much later than when we were preggo with Gavin, and I assume that it's because I've been busy and preoccupied. Our appt to find out the gender is scheduled for the 13th... seems that everyone we had a little boy with last time is preggo with a little girl this time so we'll see how that works out for us. I'm honestly not partial to one gender or another for number two... I think that Josh would enjoy a daddy's girl, but I really don't know what I'd think about having a little girl with Gavin's stubborness. Or the squeals and crying and clothing choices to worry about later in life with a little girl too.. not to say that I'd not love a little girl with all of my being, just saying that even with his recent spats of toddler-ness, Gavin has been a dream of a child... mostly well tempered and always loving, and so affectionate...

Well I'm spent today..